wanna go halves on a baby?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
