I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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