Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
