Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
