i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
