he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
