I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
