Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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