Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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