It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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