yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
