Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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