I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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