those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
