i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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