He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
