Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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