Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
