You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
