Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
