Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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