Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
