One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
