So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
