is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
