Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
