no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
PANTIES FOUND
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