i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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