Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sorry my hands just texted you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
