I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
