my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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