I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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