ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
