i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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