tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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