I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
