I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
