my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
