I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
