Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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