I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
