I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize