is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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