he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
