I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
