There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
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Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
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That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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