In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
