So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
