I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
