i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Drunk is not a location!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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