Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
