Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we're making bets on your personal life
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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