The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is wine microwaveable?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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