Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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