dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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