Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
