my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
