So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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