Sry I called you an 8
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
