no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
