no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You need Xanax blowdarts
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
