Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
