is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Four minutes until I can fart!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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