What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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