The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
