also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Acid is not a monday night drug
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
