I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
