Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
