I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dignity is for republicans.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
