So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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