hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
