you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think my vagina is haunted
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
