She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
