You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
