He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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