Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
that is very illegal...i love you.
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