My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
