I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
