When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
